Jonah’s Blog

I recently hurt my hand and can’t really type. I can’t pick banjo too much either,

so I’m conserving my strength for some upcoming gigs. I’ll blog again soon, I

promise. Thanks for dropping by.

I hereby declare June 10, 2006 Take-Back-the-Language Day. I’ll start by calling this

blog, “How I Became a Pro-Life Fiscal Conservative.”

I probably shouldn’t admit this, but I bought a new television set today. It’s nice to

have the bigger picture and the flat screen, but what a waste of money. A tv is a tv.

No matter how good the picture looks, it’s still just a box that broadcasts a bunch of

shit. My flat screen does nothing to redeem the overall message of television in

general. All I’ve done is to make the propaganda look a little more convincing.

Buying a television was a fiscally liberal thing to do. I don’t really have the money,

and I already had a working tv. I was just sick of watching the World Cup on a 13-

inch screen. The fiscally conservative thing to do would have been to at least consult

my checking account ledger to make sure I could cover the purchase. Instead, I went

all liberal and bought something expensive and unnecessary. I probably should have

saved that money and spent it on the neck work my banjo desperately needs.

It’s like spending billions on guided missile systems, while public elementary and

high schools can’t teach basic life skills, like critical thinking.

Will there be anyone who can figure out how to fire those missiles in 20 years?

It’s like spending a bunch of money to provide health care and retirement benefits for

members of Congress, who make close to $200,000 a year, at a time when people

who make minimum wage are forced to buy their own health insurance and 401k

plans, regardless of their abilities to do so.

Is it really fiscally wise to force single mothers - or both parents - to work, and leave

their children in daycare, sometimes with state subsidies? Or to put families in

homeless shelters because they let a relative stay with them - this does happen, and

right here in New York.

Did any of you hear those assholes in the Senate talking about gay marriage? When it

comes to this issue, the only people who piss me off more than the Republicans are

the gays themselves. What a bunch of defeatist wimps.

About five years ago I went to a lesbian “commitment ceremony.” If marriage was

legal, they would have called it a wedding, but they bowed to the bigots who insist

they can determine who uses which words when describing their own lives.

In places where “civil unions” are legal, gays should just start calling them weddings

and marriages. In places where such bonds are illegal and gays are forced to hold

non-legally binding “commitment ceremonies,” they should call those marriages and

weddings, too.

I have some very good friends Upstate who live with their girlfriends and their

common children and have been together upwards of 10 years and more, without

getting married. Yet they refer to their “girlfriends” as their wives. These folks

have no socio-political message in mind and have probably never thought of

themselves as sticking it to The Man, but they are.

That’s the type of commitment to language I’d like to see from homosexuals.

Describe your life however you please, and defy anyone who tries to stop you.

So, yeah, I’m fiscally conservative because I want national health care and

retirement, and favor the estate tax and progressive income taxes over sales tax.

I am pro life because I don’t see an alternative. Should I be pro death?

Take back the language people.

Earlier this week US Senator Hillary Clinton (D?-NY) said something I agree

with, and after six years, it is about fucking time. At the New York State

Democratic Convention Hillary called for a bill tying all Congressional pay

raises to increases in minimum wage. But, of course, she did not go far enough

with it.

The rates of the increases should also be connected. If Congress gets a 20% raise,

so do Wal-Mart “associates,” McDonalds cashiers, and all the other unsung

toilers that keep our country from sinking into the oceans that surround it on

either side. I would also tie the total salaries together, so that Congressmen could

only make double or triple the annual pay of the wage slaves who clean their

homes and offices - assuming the hourly workers earn no overtime.

If nothing else, my plan would prevent those stingy bastards in the Capitol from

getting another red cent of the money I dutifully and naively send them each

week, hoping they’ll spend it wisely.

I would even take the program a step further and apply it to campaign finance, as

well. This is something I have been calling for for far too long now. Here’s how

it would work: People running for president - because I’m not sure it would

work at the local level - would only be allowed to spend money they raise at

paid speaking engagements, and the cover charges at those engagements would

be set at the minimum hourly wage. Photo-ops with the candidate would also be set

at the same rate. If my campaign finance plan were to take shape it would have

residual effects too. For one thing, more people would be able to see the candidates

up close. No longer would the shake-and-howdy be reserved for millionaires. It

would personalize the campaign, by making more people involved. There would also

have to be limits to each person’s attendance. We can’t have the cheering section

follow the candidate around the circuit. If musicians can travel the country charging

fans and listeners five or 10 bucks a head, so can politicians. After all they both

employ the same suffix in describing their professions.

I’m also sick of paying for their health care and retirement (they’re not paying for

any of mine), but that’s for another blog.

So let’s hear it folks. Take to the streets. Shout and wave your fists in the air. With

enough work the JonahBrunicans may take the House this year.