Jonah’s Blog

In the past I have led the charge against Alex Rodriguez. I’ve called him “Gay Wad” in conversations with friends. I’ve also called him a wuss, a baby, a pansy, and questioned whether he actually even liked playing baseball.

But this season A-Rod is off to great start and answering the naysayers with his golden bat. He leads not just the Yankees but the entire Major League in homeruns and probably several other statistics that I don’t pay much attention to. That is why I’m writing this. I feel I need to warn him that he has set expectations way too high. Doesn’t poor Alex realize that he has set himself up for certain failure?

Eventually A-Rod will go two, maybe even three games without a homerun or - perish the thought - so much as a base hit. When this inevitable day, or days, comes he will be buried in the press. Yankee fans will boo him again, and he will talk once more about the fact that his contract is almost up and he is not sure whether he will seek a trade or just retire. He really takes the public drubbing very hard.

This blog is his one chance to spare himself that humiliation and depression. Alex Rodriguez, for all his millions of dollars, legions of fans and admirers, good looks and talent, is a very insecure guy. Possibly insecure enough to Google himself late at night and read all the blogs that mention his name. I hope, for his sake, he is that insecure and that he heeds my warning.

So if you are reading this, Mr. Rod, please strike out a couple times this week, maybe even go 0 for 4 in a game, so that, if the Yankees make the playoffs and you only hit one homerun per game, nobody tries to strip your pinstripes and ram that golden bat up your ass.

Now your former detractors are on your side, but to keep us there you must remind us that you are, in fact, human. Either that or continue to show that you may not be human after all, and break every single-season record you can. I suppose it’s possible.