2007
It is the first of the year, and I just wanted to start off right, blogging. I resolve to blog more this year than last. That shouldn’t be too difficult, since I did not have the blog at the start of last year. I also resolve to improve my spoken grammar and my diction.
This year I will quit mistakenly interchanging the words “further” and “farther.” I know how they are supposed to be used, and I still fuck them up all the time. I also resolve to at least try to finally figure out the differences between all the usages and forms of the words “lay” and “lie.” I’d like to learn just exactly when to use “which” and when to use “that” in writing and speech. I’ll try to minimize my use of the word “gonna.”
I promise that in 2007, I will do my best not to cringe when people use variations on the tragic “between you and I.” It’s not that I care about being polite, but it just happens so damn much that if I let it get to me every single time I hear it, I’ll probably develop an ulcer. I have the horrible habit of watching Days of Our Lives (notice, there is no resolution to quit) and those assholes say it all the time. “Then she barged in on Sammy and I.”
Sports announces, politicians, and even TV news commentators and talking heads - who are supposed to be writers - all say things like “When you asked Bill and I who we’d vote for, I wanted to beg the question a step farther ask ‘Who aren’t we gonna’ vote for?’”
While I’m at it, I should try to be a little more accepting of the misuse of the “carrot and stick” cliché. People always say things like, “You should try using a little less carrot and a little more stick,” or “It’s much more in my nature to use the carrot, but occasionally I have to pull out the stick too.” Both adaptations imply that you are somehow offering someone a carrot while simultaneously, or intermittently, beating them with a stick. It completely ignores the root of the expression, which refers to the old picture of a mule walking eternally toward a carrot suspended just out of its reach at the end of a stick tied to it’s head.
So I guess I’ll have to spend this year not only trying to improve my own speech, but ignoring the speech – words, meanings and all – of everyone else.
And as I do every year, I resolve to tune my banjo and keep it there. I also vow to be nicer to bass players. It’s really not their fault.